Courage, determination keep single mothers going (May 10 is Mother’s Day)

May 9th, 2009 - 1:47 pm ICT by IANS  

By Shilpa Raina

New Delhi, May 9 (IANS) They are moms as well as dads for their children. Despite facing innumerable difficulties, these single women have taken life head-on and borne the dual responsibility with dignity and determination.

For Kalpana Dhar, 50, separating from her husband was the only option especially after difference of opinion gave rise to regular arguments and confrontations.

“I took this step at a very late stage of my marriage. But I had to do this because of my only son. He was suffering and I had to take a stand,” said Dhar, a banker.

“Living in a society that is male-dominated is very tough, especially for single women, but if you are not happy then there is no point wasting your time in crying and complaining. You have to make a decision to live a dignified life.

“You need to have willpower to face the world and automatically everything will fall into place,” she added.

Living with the single tag is not easy as it comes with a baggage of dual responsibilities.

Ritu Gupta, 50, (name changed) lost her husband on the war front when she was 30. She had two sons.

“After his death, I knew I had to be both mom and dad to them. Hence I took a professional job and acted like a dad and at home, while I used to cook for them, like a mother. I taught them driving and swimming, the jobs their dad would have done. We used to go out for outings, picnics and movies together,” said Gupta, a manager in a government firm.

“Today we share a relationship of friends. We share everything, be it about their girlfriends or office gossip. The important thing for any single mother is to make things systematic. It is hectic and tough to be a single mother but anything for my kids.”

Surbhi Muwar, 30, lost her husband when she was just 24 but she refused to re-marry because of the fear that her son might get step-fatherly treatment from her new husband.

“Now my life is completely dedicated to my son. I do not want to take any chance. I do not want to re-marry because there are so many implications attached to it and I don’t want my son to feel left out. We are happy in our own world,” said Muwar, a music teacher.

Muwar will appear on the TV show “Zindagi Live-Single Mothers” to be aired on IBN 7 Sunday at 8 p.m.

Neera Chopra, 43, mother of Miss India World Pooja Chopra, is a single mother because she had to make a choice between her husband and two daughters as her husband was not happy with the fact the she could not bear him a son.

“I saw him going around with many girls but I kept mum because of my family. He was not happy with me because I couldn’t give him a son. But when things became really difficult, I knew I had to make a choice and I chose my daughters over him,” Chopra told IANS over phone from Pune.

“After this incident I started hating men and never thought of marrying again. My world was my two little daughters and I did everything to give them whatever I could afford. It was because of them I am alive, because they were in this world because of me and it was my duty to look after them properly.”

These mothers are the role models for their kids, who appreciate the amount of hardships and toil their mothers put in while bringing them up.

“For me, she is the woman of substance and being a single mother is not at all easy; she has sacrificed a lot. Yet she did her best to give us right values,” Pooja Chopra said.

These women are unfazed when others raise eyebrows.

“I don’t care at all, it’s my life and I want to live it my way. Society is changing but the change is so slow that at times you feel suffocated,” Dhar said.

(Shilpa Raina can be contacted at

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