Thaindian News

Washington, April 10 (IANS) As friends, siblings, and co-workers effortlessly become pregnant and deliver babies that become the centre of their lives and conversations, an infertile woman and her partner often feel defeated and alone.
Infertility and isolation are soul sisters, says University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (UI-UC) professor Constance Hoenk Shapiro.

Shapiro’s new book When You’re Not Expecting has the potential to change all that by providing a sisterhood of survivors who have been there and know how it feels.

The author draws on her 20 years of experience as an infertility counselor to address such topics as the emotional impact of invasive medical treatments; what to do when making love becomes hard work; how to cope with baby showers, family gatherings, and child-centred holidays; recovering emotionally from pregnancy loss; and putting your life on hold while you’re waiting for expensive treatments to succeed.

“I’ve worked with hundreds of people who have been diagnosed with infertility, and my book uses the well-disguised voices of my clients as they talk about their challenges and coping strategies,” she said.

“I think readers will feel validated in the emotions they themselves are having and find the women’s accounts of their experiences a lifeline to sanity and survival. It’s a hopeful book, with compelling stories, humor, and honesty,” she said.

But the book provides more than catharsis. At the end of each chapter, Shapiro offers therapeutic tips that take up the issues her clients are coping with.

There’s help here too for men and for women with social factor infertility, experienced by lesbians and single women who want to become parents. Medical professionals, therapists, clergy, and parents and in-laws will also benefit from reading the book, she said.

“One of the things a couple has to decide is how much and with whom they’re going to share this personal information.”

“How much of their emotional struggle will they expose to the view of co-workers, supervisors, and their parents who long to experience the joys of being grandparents?” she said.

Hobbies, caring relationships, work, volunteer activities, and travel can add balance as individuals and couples seek new ways to find meaning and purpose in their lives, says an UI-UC release.

These findings have been published in When You’re Not Expecting, published by John Wiley and Sons and available at bookstores or online for $21.95.