Mar 15 (THAINDIAN NEWS) Jonathan ‘The Impaler’ Sharkey has announced that he will run for president,the first Vampire President of the United States. It could cause one to wonder if our choices for the next president could end up being between this vampire as a Republican, or the current Democrat.

Jonathan Sharkey is a self proclaimed satanic vampire. Apparently, however, this man even embarrasses the satanists and vampires of the world, and even they won’t claim him. There have been several press releases from several popular vampire and pagan groups which wanted to make it clear that Sharkey does not represent them. Although he has stated that he will run as a Republican, the party members most likely do not feel he represents them either.

This is not the first time the vampire has made the news, by far. He ran for governor of Minnesota in 2006, and had short lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000. He also tried running for U.S. President in 2004 and again in 2008. His unrealistic dreams of a political career are topped only by his arrest record for threats against underage girls, county judges and more.

He has had two award winning documentaries written done on his life, and tried to create a “Vampire Nation” somewhere in the Eagle mountains in Tennessee. He attempted to win independence from the United States for his “kingdom” by threatening to ally with Russia and attack Minnesota if his desires were not met.

Most recently, Sharkey made the news after brainwashing a 16 year old girl, whom he had met online, to run away from home. The two were finally located in a hotel room, and police took the girl home. The mother has since gotten a restraining order against Sharkey. Although he pledged her his “undying love” at the time, he has since decided to let her go, so that he could begin a relationship with another girl, 19, whom he also met online. “I haven’t dated a girl older than 19 since 2006,” said the “vampire” as his 19-year-old daughter and his 2-year-old grandson met him at the Greyhound station. “It’s good to be me.” This is one prime example of why parents need to be very careful about who their kids communicate with online. You never know when the person on the other end of the computer screen may be the next Vampiric Presidential Candidate.