Thaindian News

By Azera Rahman
New Delhi, April 4 (IANS) Be they arranged marriages or those out of love, breakups are on the rise in India. Marriage counselling, therefore, is becoming a necessity before one says “I do”, says counsellor and author Geeta Maheshwari.

“I am a marriage counsellor and from my experience I can say that the top reasons why marriages today are breaking up are mostly lifestyle-related,” Maheshwari, a psychiatrist and marriage counsellor, told IANS.

“For instance, most couples opt to have one child these days, taking care of all his or her needs. So much so that the child is not equipped to handle his or her problems. Then, the tolerance level has gone down - people have less patience to deal with issues that may be crucial to sort out one’s marriage,” she added.

“In the earlier days, divorce was taboo, but now you have people proudly flaunting their divorcee status. This change in psyche is also one of the reasons for people not taking this institution too seriously,” Maheshwari added.

“Marriages are breaking up at an alarming rate these days. Almost 40 percent of Indian marriages, especially in metros, are heading for a breakup,” she said.

While some may believe that arranged marriages have more chances of developing complications since the partners may not know each other very well, Maheshwari said love marriages are no exception in the break-up trend.

“In love marriages, you may have dated for a while, but you should remember that during those times your partner was at his or her best behaviour. You actually come to know a person when you start living with him or her day in day out. Love marriages therefore are no exception in this worrying trend,” she said.

Considering the current scenario, Maheshwari said marriage counselling is becoming a necessity.

“Marriage counselling is very important these days. Although there are more and more couples coming for counselling before marriage, most people still think that it’s not really important. Since these things affect everyone, I decided to write a book which gives basic tips on how to improve the quality of one’s married life,” she said.

Maheshwari’s book “The Happy Marriage Mantra” (Northern Book Centre/Rs 500) will be launched Monday by Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit.

The book, she said, has 26 chapters on how to make a marriage work. For instance, there’s one chapter on acceptance of your spouse, one on how to deal with the spouse’s ex and yet another one on how important it is to have a zeal for life. There is also a chapter on the myths of marriage.

“My daughter got married this January and instead of buying her a bulk of clothes, I gifted her the draft of this book so that the chances of her having a happy marriage increase. Every marriage is unique and has unique problems, but there are some issues which span across all,” Maheshwari said.

After this book, the counsellor-turned- author said she is going to write two more books - on how to repair one’s marriage and life after divorce.

“Divorce is tough and one should try and make their marriage work. But if is inevitable, there is life after that phase too and that’s what my third book will be all about,” she said.

(Azera Rahman can be contacted at azera.p@ians.in)