Weekend Update : Everyone loves Tim Calhoun !April 20th, 2008 - 2:29 pm ICT by amritpal
With the new episode of Weekend Update here, Everyone wants to write “Tim Calhoun” in on the next presidential ballot. Most would even like to vote for him ahead of Obama or Clinton. Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) is a soft-spoken political candidate with slicked back hair, a slight Southern drawl, and many unconventional ideas. Calhoun is also a career criminal with many arrests, which he often inadvertently mentions. Constantly nervous and fidgety, Calhoun reads his speeches from index cards which he stacks neatly on the table as he finishes each one. His voice is exaggeratedly slow and deliberate, hardly rising above a whisper.
Tim Calhoun has made eight appearances between 2002 and 2008, seven of which were on Weekend Update. Some of his famous quotes are:
# “I propose we start a Cow College where we teach cows how to talk. I propose we start with the word “moo” to build up their self confidence.”
# You can’t spell America without Tim Calhoun, and the letters “R,” “E,” and “A.”
# I’m real sorry about the cocaine, but there are times when I feel like partying and staying up real late, and cocaine can really help you do that.
# I am not married, so my sexual history is not relevant, but if you must know, I have some babies. Mainly by black ladies. But some by white. And a China-baby.
# I say we ask France if they wanna trade the Eiffel Tower for the Grand Canyon, but after they send us the Eiffel Tower, we don’t send them the Grand Canyon.
# My candidacy is based on honesty, so there are a few things about me you should know. I’ve been in jail. It’s not important how many times, but if you must know… I’d say… one, two, thirty-one times.